I have no f****ing idea, how to overcome procrastination, but this is my story about trying.

Procrastination has been the silent enemy in my life for far too long. It crept into the smallest of tasks and soon took over, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and stuck. At 64.

I find myself in a place where everything feels heavy—my responsibilities, my thoughts, and even my own expectations.

But the hardest thing isn’t dealing with the outside world; it is coming to terms with the fact that I have allowed procrastination to hold me back from living the full, vibrant life I want.

I imagine it in my head but that’s as far as it goes. Often!

This post is about the moment today, when I finally decided to take control—when I realised I had to stop waiting, stop delaying, and start living for myself.

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve lost your way or wondered if it’s too late to change, this is for you too. This is my story of breaking free, one small step at a time, and it starts with confronting my feelings of failure head-on.

Related reading:

I’ve failed many times, so am I a failure?

I feel like a complete failure — in business, in making money, and in being a mother and friend. It’s been dark, and I’ve felt utterly alone. There’s a distinction between failing and being one. At the moment I’m just not sure exactly what that is.

Read on. Maybe one day as I’m journaling I’ll be able to tell you my thoughts on that more exactly.

Today, however, on this particular Monday morning, I’ve been curled up in bed, not wanting to move. I’ve been crying like a baby over the loss of my dog, Mac, a Pug who passed away in April.

He was my greatest friend, and his absence has left an ache that is unbearable.

The morning has been grey and cold, and bed seemed like the safest place.

Thinking feels dangerous because I often overthink, and that’s where the trouble starts.

But this morning, I listened to a story on Aura about a girl who wanted to be an author, and something inside me shifted.

A Harsh Realisation

At this time, I am working as an English language teacher, earning next to nothing. Suddenly, it struck me: I feel like a failure because I’m allowing myself to settle for far less than I’m worth. Financially, yes, but also in the way I allow myself to be treated by others.

I started thinking about my kids — are they disappointed in me? I’m not sure why they would be, but everything’s up for questioning at the moment.

My husband is out working hard to support us, and here I am, at 64, feeling like I needed supporting. No wonder I feel like a failure. What on earth am I doing to myself?

Why do I feel like I owe people everything, while they owe me nothing in return.

The Burden of Overwhelm

I’ve had good friends, but recently I have withdrawn from everyone. A close friend has decided she no longer wants me in her life, and that hurts deeply. (That story is for another blog, I feel.)

But it also ignited something in me. I realised that I am loyal, and people are lucky to have me, yet I was still being let down.

I began to ask myself, Is it because I expect too much?
But the truth is, I expect too little.

I’ve been carrying too much for too long, thinking it’s my responsibility to make things work, to organise everything, to be there for everyone.

To listen when no one listens to me. Today, for the first time in a very long while, I woke up and saw myself clearly. I realised I’ve been living as though I’m responsible for the world to spin.

The Curse of Procrastination

Overwhelm has been a constant part of my life as far back as I can remember. It’s held me back, blocked me, and caused me to feel sadness and discomfort right down to my core.

It’s been the source of procrastination, stopping me from doing not only the big things but also the little things — the everyday joys.

I’ve been stuck for so long, carrying other people’s battles, speaking their words, mentoring them, standing up for them, but never standing up for myself.

I’ve been downtrodden, kicked when I was down, and now realising I’ve allowed it to happen. Yes it’s all on me. Where was I in all of this? Too worried about what others would say and think about me. Well f**k that. NO MORE.

Finding Courage

But today is different, something inside has clicked on. Today, I feel a courage inside me like I’ve never felt before.

I’m taking a stand for myself, and I’m changing my world.

This is the first day I’ve seen myself openly and honestly in a very long time. I’ve been absent, out in the world, not living for months. But today I’m back.

It feels as though a layer of skin has been peeled away, leaving the raw, unadulterated version of me — ready to live, ready to stand up for myself, and ready to stop making excuses.

I need a plan and I have to come up with one. Today!

Seeya, I’m busy right now, learning how to overcome procrastination. I’ll report what I find, and what works for me.

With hope,

Kaz:)